And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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