Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
