So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
