you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
