the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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