And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
