You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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