Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
