know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
