I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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