his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
