he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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