I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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