I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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