I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
