For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
