My hand turned me down
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You are a genius and a whore.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
