if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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