I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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