I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Green mimosas i think yes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
