I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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