Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
