I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
