FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
