I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
