are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
