the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
