This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sober January is a disaster.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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