Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
