Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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