Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
