Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
