Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
