Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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