I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
