Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
