He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
