There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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