Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
