I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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