Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
