Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
not ubering you a puppy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize