You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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