Duck Duck Cougar?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
