Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's the barista slut.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is my gift to your gina
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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