So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Randomize
