so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
