dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
