a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
