I have demons in me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
