I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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