one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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