I feel great
I just peed on a car
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
