I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
