So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can I color on your dick again?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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