What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
