so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I enjoy the company of your penis
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