had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
