Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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