So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
