btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
