Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
