the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Farmville is her only friend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize