Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
