he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
