We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
