My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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